FIRST CRUSH OF A GUY..!!!!

When I was twelve, I meet a girl named... She was
amazing, we quickly became friends, then best friends.
But what we didn't notice was that subconsciously we
were flirting, but a year into our friendship
this then changed as she told my sister that she had a crush on me,
which at the same time, I had a crush on her, but when I went to ask
her out, she said she just wanted to be friends, I felt really sad but
accepted her will and tried to move on, with great failure.
A year later, she again messages my sister asking her if I would go
out with her, she quickly went to me and told me, I quickly said yes
(this was also the main reason I got a Facebook account, to talk to
her) so in spring 2011 (me being 14) we became boyfriend and
girlfriend, this went of for a few months, on the christmas that year,
we shared our first kiss, her lips on mine made my heart just stop,
and it did so every time we kissed after, it wasn't until may 2012
when she said she wanted to break up, I was heart broken so badly
that I became more distant with my friends and tried to push my
feelings away and tried to keep away from her.
A few months later, I was asked to do backstage work for the acting
group she went to, she stood by me the whole time she was
backstage, when it was finished she jumped to me and wrapped her
arms around me, due to the force of her jumping me at an angle, I
spun around with her in my arms, I don't know if she wanted to or it
was an accident but I could feel her lips on my checks, this gave me
hope that she might still have feelings for me.
On a Christmas party that same year, we both got left alone by our
peer groups, in the same area, so we talked to each other and one
thing lead to another and we found ourselves in a romantic
relationship, we decided to keep it a secret (as during our previous
relationship, the kids at my school started acting like jerks and kept
saying that they banged her and called her names) this time though
I also tried to be a better boyfriend as I thought that the last one
failed because I didn't do very much with her and only saw her for
30 seconds a week, so I asked her out a few times but she said she
couldn't make it and then we slowly drifted apart until by march
2013 we broke up for a second time.
I found out that I still love her during September 2013 when she
didn't show up for the acting group so I texted her, no reply so I
tried to message her on Facebook, her account was disabled, I
begun to panic and that night I had a nightmare that she had died,
this nightmare settled itself in my conscious mind and I begun to
believe it, I spent the whole day worrying about it, I flinched when a
phone rang in case it was her parent telling me the bad news but
that night, she texted back and explained everything, I felt so
relieved and then I realised that I had fallen in love with her.
We're still friends now but I hardly get to see her.
She was the first person I personally knew who read my fan fiction,
not even my own parents read them so i know that eventually she'll
find this and want to talk about it so this next bit is really just for
her.
When I first met you, I never thought that we'd become exes within
a few years but I just want you to know that you've helped me
become a better person, you have given me the courage to stand up
for myself and for others, you've changed how I see the world, and I
know that you've have troubles in your life as I do in mine but when
I was with you, those troubles were washed away, I just wanna
thank you for the help you've given me and I don't want you to think
that I'm trying to get you back because I'm not, whilst I still love
you, I will only get back with you if it's what you want.
This is my story